Conversations with myself

I admit it, I am always talking to myself. Sometimes it is outloud prompting my kids to ask "Who are you talking to?" or my husband who simply asks, "Talking to yourself?" to which I do not answere but simply nod. Sometimes I move my lips without using sound and somtimes I try to save the family from embarrassment and only talk in my head. This is where I appear to be deep in thought but what I am really thinking is "Why do I constantly think about food and eat all the time when my brother is someone who FORGETS to eat?" I have been asking myself (in my head, of course) this question for over 20 years. I think it is time to move on.

I have often wondered if I were not hearing and sight impaired, if I would be having all these conversations with myself...after all I am the only person I can hear 100 percent of the time. I think I would still do it, I would still be a loner who likes to read and take long, hot baths and lots of naps. Oh yeah, I still would be thinking about food all day.

If someone were to ask my opinion on how to stop thinking about food all day I would say, "Get a hobby." So, I told myself to get a hobby but it comes with restrictions...it cannot cost money. Ok, I guess it comes with only ONE restriction.

I could go back to my days of daily blogging but that requires me to think more than I want to. Hmmmm....maybe I will plan my acceptance speech for when I win the Nobel prize (already have my speech done for the Oscars, the Grammys and the Emmys). It fits right in with my hobby of talking to myself.

More later...

It has been pretty busy the past couple weeks with my son's martial arts three nights a week and now Wed. church services. My daughter had to sing a duet today for solo and ensemble. I went along and it was held at the middle school I attended thirty years ago. Still looks the same and I recognized the layout but could not remember where my locker was or some of my classes. My daughter would not let me sit in the room where she was being judged but I did get to hear the duet in the practice room and of course, I thought it was very good and it was a pretty song. We hung out until the scores were posted and she got a one which is the highest score!

Then the four of us headed to Perkins where we used to eat all the time when we lived on the east side of town and we all had a good meal and our waitress was good as well. Has anyone else noticed how expensive it is to eat out nowadays? Thank goodness I am cooking most meals at home now. When the kids were babies I was too tired so Pete would pick up food on the way home.

Hubby worked on taxes this morning and as usual, we owe one and are getting back on the other so nothing new there. We spent the afternoon watching our taped episodes of 'American Idol' since we did not have time during the week. Next week will be busy again because we have to go to my mom's on Tuesday for her birthday and we have the usual martial arts and church. No wonder we are tired and want to stay home Friday nights!

Tomorrow, Sunday, after church I am going to lunch with my friend who just landed a new job! The poor woman has been through so much it is about time something good happens to her. Pete and the kids may go to Neenah to see his parents and sister.

Before I sign off, I wanted to mention the weather...it has either been really cold or really snowy or really windy! The last two days have been sunny and in the 20's so as Pete says, "Time for bikinis!" Not quite but it was rather nice out.

I also wanted to mention I have been reading blogs from the staff of the show 'Regis and Kelly' and they only get a few comments so now I do not feel so bad when I only get a couple. I mean, they are a national show and they are only getting 20 or less comments! I would think they would get hundreds or thousands. Maybe there are people out there who actually have a life and do not have time to leave comments but I prefer to think otherwise.

More later....

Love True Love

Today's post is about all the things I love.

I love hot baths.

I love a warm comfy bed snuggled with my family (unless they are tossing and turning)

I love napping on the couch with my son.

I love sitting in the chair and the dog comes to lay on my lap.

I love the smell of cooking in the house.

I love hearing my loved ones laughter.

I love chocolate (especially m&m's, peanut butter cups, kisses).

I love music when it moves me.

I love it when my kids are caring and thoughtful for someone else.

I love steak and french fries.

I love reading and miss it.

I love the movie 'The Princess Bride' which is where Love, True Love comes from.

I love looking at family pictures.

I love funny people.

I love it when good things happen to other people.

I love writing letters.

I love doodling.

I love going out to eat!

Tomorrow it will be things I detest...just kidding!

You know what? It would not take much for me to move someplace warm. I am watching the pro bowl and it looks so nice in Hawaii. I would live in a hut to get out of this freezing weather.

Home Sweet Home

I have been thinking a lot about God lately and the way he works and how I interpet His place in my life. Those of you who know me well, know I have had a long history of not feeling comfortable in church. I was a member for almost 30 years at my first church and it all had to do with Sunday School, a few comments made by the higher ups and a few other things I won't mention. Now, I have always had my faith and believed in God and miracles and so on, but just did not feel right in my church where people are supposed to be accepting of everyone.

Then, I meet my husband, and he is from a small town where his father is a pastor and his mother is very involved as well. A couple Sundays after we met, he picks me up early and we drive the two and a half hours to another state to attend church and to meet his parents. We sat up in the balconey(sp?). The first thing that happened was everyone was so nice to us. Then, I heard his dad preach...not only did I hear every single word, I got the message, too! Then I had a lightbulb moment...during communion, from the balconey I saw the long lines of people heading up for communion. I had this image in my head of millions of Christians all over the world doing the same thing and what an overwhelming sense of how powerful He is. Well, I felt like I was home and this is here I should be. The problem was, of course, the church was two hours away and at the time we were going there once a month, but as our family grew, it slowed down to about once every three months.

A few years after our daughter was born, we moved from the east side to the west side which in our town is like switching from the Packers to the Bears but we wanted her to go to a different school. My five year old says to me, "Mom, we have to start going to church...let's look for a new one." (Both my kids have strong faith) So after a couple of months we found one and again, for me, the same reasons as the one that was two hours away...they had large print bulletins, assisted hearing devices, the pastor spoke clearly and I heard his message and most of all, the people were soooooo nice. Once again, I felt like I found a family and I almost cried tears of joy.

But then, something happened, somthing really awful happened. Something so awful, I can hardly talk about it but it has been on my mind so much that I have to get it out of my system.

Since this is already long, I thought I would write the rest later, but that would not be nice, right? Besides, I am writing this for me in hopes to get it out.

It happened a few months ago, the end of October to be precise. I was feeling good again, we had gotten good results back from my son's bone scan and he was finally doing well in school. My daughter had gotten a good report and well, life was good. But this Sunday, it all changes and I have not been able to GET OVER IT!!!

I went into church and sat down and it seemed so dark, as if they did not turn on half the lights in church. I could barely see the people sitting in the pews. I sat there and tried my best to follow along, but my mind was not paying attention. Were people standing? I could not really tell...the pastor was but he always does.

I decided not to rush to judgement and wait until we are in the car where I ask Pete if it was unusually dark in church today. "No, I did not notice it." he says. My heart sinks as I realize my condition has gotten much worse.

So, why am I thinking so much about God? Because I wonder why church, the one place where I have been lost for so long, is the place where I am suddenly made aware of the substanial vision loss?

Because He loves me and there is no better place to find comfort.

I did not realize it until just now...sometimes it pays to get it out.

Happy Birthday , Pete!

Whenever I think of Pete's birthday, I think a couple of things...it was also Maya's birthday (our golden retriever who passed away) and it is also Lisa Marie Presley's birthday. I also think about the 'mercy date' as he calls it.

We had met Jan.2, 1993 when my brother and his then girlfriend asked if I wanted to go out to dinner with them and oh, by the way, Pete will be there. I had heard about Pete for two years, a guy my brother worked with so I was fine with it even though I had never met him. We went his house and I had a couple of 'foreshadowing moments' that made me pause....he had a hot tub and when he opened the cover, there was a little yellow rubber ducky floating around. I thought that was cute and funny. I also noticed he had a motion light which is beneficial and almost a life saver to soemone with my night blindness.

Off we went to dinner to the Olive Garden, a place I had never been to because I am not a pasta person but they did have steak. It turns out he had steak as well...cool.

A week goes by and he FINALLY calls me and after an hour conversation, he asks me out. We go out to a movie and had a nice time.(Aladdin was the movie). I find out that his birthday is the following week and I insist on taking him out. He thinks it is a mercy date...he paid for the first date, now once she pays for this date it is "adios" my friend.

I remember what I wore, jeans with brown suede shoes, a white blouse with a brown vest and a black blazer type jacket. I also wore a black hat and the whole night I wanted to take it off because it was itchy.

We got engaged about two months later...I do not remember the first kiss or the first time he said or I said we loved each other but I remember the mercy date.

It wasn't a mercy date, of course, but I think he still thinks it was.

Happy Birthday, Pete!